I'm going to finish this blog I started....

This post with either make me very popular or not!! But I want to talk about Polygamy and how I see this as a solution to my life.

In Islam, men are allowed to have up to 4 wives. As far as I am aware, all the 3 major religions allow men to have more than one wife. I know that on the outside it looks like an oppressive thing, but really I do beleive that polygamy is ok....

Lets first set the record straight. In British law, polygamy is not allowed. So if a man wants a second wife, he can only marry her via Islamic law - she will nowhere be a lawful wife in the eyes of the law, only in islamic law.

I know myself that I am not perfect. I try to be a good wife/mother/friend/colleague, but I do have shortcomings. I do admit that my sex drive is not so high. And the "I've got a headache" phrase comes up alot (well its hard being a career woman, looking after a baby and all the housework responsibilities.... I hardly have time to look good or look after myself!). So I think that if C wants another wife, he has my blessing.....

Women (or even some men) reading this might think I am mad. But lets face it, soooo many married men have their bit on the side. At least if C marries another woman, there are rules he has to abide by. He has to treat us both equally, and treat the other woman fairly, and at least he would be honest with me, its the sneaking around that I can't stand. Perhaps if he has another wife, he will be more sexually satisfied, that will take the pressure off me and perhaps I can be happier... I have told him this, he doesn't want another wife. he thinks two wives will be double the problems.... maybe hes right. But if he were to want a second wife, as long as he tells me about it I would accept it. It would be hard and I would be jealous, but I think in the long run it might work out better.

So I do have a child, a little baby really, such a joy to my life. Her name is N and shes absolutely lovely. I did really think that she would bring us closer together, but its as they say, children really cause a strain on relationships. Its not that shes the strain, I think its just the exhaustion thats the strain.

We were 99% sure we were having a boy, but N turned out to be a girl. Personally, I'm tickled pink! (no pun intended!) but I think C was quite disappointed. In anycase, he hasn't said anything and we continue to do our best....

However, I do wonder quite alot, is her destiny to be the same as mine. Will she also get married and be with a difficult husband as me. I sincerely hope not, but how can any of us change the course of events. We don't really have much control over many things (although we all like to think we do). Can we control who we fall in love with? for you skeptics out there - what is love? Why is it when we fall in love we fall blind and cannot see whats plainly infront of our faces. Strange emotion - what would the world be like without love? Would we all live happy lives as we make calculated decisions of who we want to be with without following our hearts....

So I continue my blog....

Oppressors, who is the greatest oppressor in my life. My husband. For reasons of annonymousity, I will call him C.

So in Islam, their are duties and responsibilities. Husbands are supposed to provide for their wives. In return, wives have to listen to their husbands. In addition, men are the heads of households. Ultimately, their word rules. Easier said that done. The fact of the matter (well in my household) is that my husband does not provide for us. And in addition I am expected to obey him. I don't know about you, is there something wrong here????

I'll be brutly honest. I would much rather be a woman than a man, I mean you have a position of power you are bound to oppress someone. I'd rather he had that hanging over his neck on judgement day than me. But in the meantime, its me who has to suffer. From the daily tourments of name calling, accusations that I am sleeping with every man I encounter, accusations that everytime I go out, I am going out to meet a secret lover... what more can I say. Its an endless pyscological tourment every single day. No physical abuse mind you, C just likes to play these mind games. Why is that? Why does he do that? Is it a reversal of roles, is it him having a bit on the side? Is he jealous of my own success as a woman (must add here, I am eductated to PhD level and have a fantastic career). Its not all doom and gloom, I do need to be more honest, we have our good times, but the name calling is really something that is so hard for me to handle. I've been called a cow, a slut and prostitute, a bitch, a bad mother, a bad person... and what initiates all this - he looses his temper over something stupid (erm like I put his clothes away for him without nagging him to do it) and it all starts. Its like living with a time bomb thats ready to explode at any minute....

I didn't have an arranged marriage with C. We met fell in love. I always wanted to marry a religious muslim man, because I did believe that I would be treated well like that. So why has it all fallen flat on its face? Are all men just like that?

I am a muslim woman. I was born in the UK, however my parents are non british. I have always been a muslim. I wore a headscarf since the age of 8 and have never taken it off. I am married with a child.

I believe strongly in islam, it is the most peaceful and righteous way of life. Allah is a loving god, here to guide us through the good and bad in our lives, and the quran is a book of life designed to take us through life. However, what really annoys me is when people misinterpret islam, and its sad to say the most guilty of this crime are the muslims themselves....

Yes, muslim women to appear to be oppressed in islam, however this is certainly not true if we were to follow islam closely. Islam gives women so many more rights than christians and jews, however those muslims that have a responsibility and authority towards the weaker of us always abuse this. So in honesty its muslims that make muslims look bad. That really upsets me. If any non-muslims are reading this, pick up the quran and read. Read of how muslim women are supposed to be looked after and cared for in islam. Read about the prophet pbuh, how he looked after his wives, how romantic he was. Why do muslim men not take the prophet as an example? Why do they instead choose to step all over us and abuse their authority? I am not saying ALL muslim men are like this... but most are. In fact I wouldn't even extend it to muslim men, why are men like that???

I am starting this blog as an insight to a life as a muslim woman living in the UK. Its an honest account of my life - difficulties and joys and beliefs and its mostly started as a means to keep a journal of my life and adventures. I've made it a public blog for others to read and benefit from....