Well its been a while, a long while since I last wrote. The reasons, N is incredibly mobile now, and I am unable to plop her on my lap and write without having q's and z's after every other letter. Plus, C is around much more now that term has finished and well of course, he doesn't know about this blog and if he found out.......

But as N is getting older, there is one thing that I am beginning to see in her, and that she wants both her mummy and daddy. I think whats best for her is to have both of us around. And ofcourse both of us around not arguing. I am really trying not to argue with C, its very hard as he pushes and pushes then calls me names and I end up getting very angry and moody. THankfully, no vacuum flask incidents from me, I have tried to contain my anger by taking a walk or keeping away from him. However, there was one recent event from C that I think deserves documentation.

I recently added an old male friend of mine as a friend on facebook. I am not sure how C found out about this, my profile is on high security, nobody can find me in a search ( and I am not stupid enough to put C on as one of my friends), but he found out. He went mental. Accused me of having an affair with this guy and called me a slut and all the rest of it.... well anyway, it ended up with him spitting on me. I did really think that it was the end of our marriage, that is obviously what C thinks of me.... but for some reason, he turned round and apologised the next day. We've been muddling through ever since, and I don't really belive that things will get better,although I wish they would.

In anycase, I only have 4 weeks to go until I am back at work. I am going back full time and N is going to nursery full time, so I strongly believe that being away from him for so long will help - if we are not around each other, surely we can't argue?