I realise its been long... too long since I last wrote a blog entry. The truth is that I am now back at work at taking more than 13 months maternity leave, and I'm back full time. Little N is in nursery full time, and its heart breaking to leave her there, although judging by how happy she is in the evening, I am guessing that shes happy there.

But I stupidly thought that things will get better with C once I get back to work. THey haven't, they are worse. His insults are getting worse, hes started throwing things at me, not big things, but like tea towels, dish clothes, clothes etc... thrown in anger, aimed for my head. Hes also expecting me to do everything around the house, I wake up, shower, get N ready, fed (I don't eat breakfast myself as I don't have time), then I am out the house at 8am, take N to nursery, work all day, finish at 5pm, pick up N, go home frantically cook her supper, play a little with her, then put her to bed.... then the work begins, I end up cleaning up my mess, and more importantly all the dirty dishes that C has left behind during the day. Yes, you see, C doesn't work. Hes at home all day (surfing the net I persume) why, because he is doing him PhD. Hes been doing it for about 7 years now.....

So I wonder oh I wonder, what the hell am I doing. I think I need I brain transplant, not only do I have to suffer abuse from him, but I have to work and bring in the money, to pay for his crappy university fees which are £3000 a year, and ontop of that all bills etc.... and nursery fees which are quite hefty, and do all the work at home, he still expects me to make him dinner... and why??? WHY??? I keep asking myself that, and I know why, for N. She adores her dad and I don't want to take him away from her. So I suffer away. Oh, I am such a mug, I can't believe how hes just having a cushy life on my expense. Well, I used to give him £1000 allowance every month, and since July that has stopped, no more cushy cushy for him. Time to take a stand!