I have been bad, not blogging. But in all honesty, I have just forgotten too. I guess the difficulties of single parenthood are dawning on me. N is such a sweetheart, shes so good, she eats herself, entertains herself most of the time, but its just the little things I find difficult, like doing the shopping - things I used to rely on C to do. And now hes taken the car, its even more difficult to drag a mobile 1 year old around the supermarket.

But I can't complain. It could be worse. Quick update.

C was away all last week. THe police incident must have shaken him. He emailed me saying he wanted to see N on saturday. It was civil, he came on saturday. We mostly stayed away from each other when N was asleep and tried to act normal when she was awake. Then in a turn of events, he called my parents behind my back and asked them to come on sunday. He said there were things they needed to know.

Although I have one dark secret from my parents, my abortion, the other secrets are not so bad. I am prepared for him telling my parents taht, I would deny it, because if they knew, and if the muslim community knew, I could be stoned to death for it. I have already asked for the GP to keep my medical records away from anyone who pokes around.

But he wasn't that bad, but he did tell my parents about my clubbing days, and about Lee and how he was my boyfriend and all the rest. THe latter was not true and I denied it. The clubbing I admitted to - but it was a very long time ago. Luckily, my parents were supportive of me, and were critising him for the way he treats me, the fact he never lets me go out, that I am not allowed to visit my sister (oh because I secretly fancy her husband - apparantly), the strict restrictions on my dress... and so they left with me feeling like there was someone on my side. C on the other hand had even more reason to sulk because contrary to his beleifs, my parents did not turn their back on me. So he called his parents to grumble at what I bitch I am. They never called me to hear my side of the story, but they probably won't.

So C has gone away again, to an undisclosed place. He packed more of his things and said he would make a decision by friday on the fate of our marriage. I said infront of my parents that I would give it another go but with strict conditions, that have to be enforced by external sources and that our marriage is closely monitored. Thats just for the sake of N. My guess is that he will come running back to me, so I am preparing a list of conditions that I will absolutely not compromise on. One of these conditions is that from now until christmas, we are live apart. I think thats best for all of us in the short term, and lets wait and see what happens later. WIll keep you all posted