its not fair how women are stigmitised in islam. Infact, I was at work today, and I realised its not just in islam, its all across the board. A friend of mine at work was talking about her father and how he grew up in a village in wales. She was saying how in the 1940s there was a young girl who got pregnant by a man in the village and she was forced to give up the child for adoption. That was really sad to hear. But what really got on my nerves was that after she gave up the child, she was stigmitised in the village. Everyone was pointing their fingers at her, she was never allowed to go out unchaperoned and was never trusted with anything. The young boy who got her pregnant on the other hand was allowed to get on with his life as normal, even though everyone knew it was him who got her pregnant.

I guess this is similar to the situation I am in, its always the womans fault (mine) and never his. The fact that I had an abortion years ago means that its me who will be stigmitised and he would never be. I guess then modern day islam is a little bit like 1940s britain.

I am not anti islam, infact what has happened has only deepened my faith, because I know that in islam there is no distinction between men and women in sin, we are both to blame. But its society that places these distinctions. I hate the way that verses from the quran and sayings of the prophet mohammed are cherry picked to make it look like women are evil doers and men are the saviours of our generation. When in fact if you look at the facts, women played a massive role in islam. The prophet Mohammeds wife in fact lead an army of about 3000 men into war. A far cry from the modern day muslim woman in saudi arabia who is not even allowed out of the home. Its this that angers me.

I am still hanging in there, and trying my hardest to cope and not breakdown. I don't want N to anymore see me cry. I am meeting with the domestic violence unit from the police today and I am going to bring up this abortion issue and see what they say. THey have already told me to keep both our passports away from the home (safely locked in my cupboard at work) and to tell the passport office that under no circumstances should another passport be issued. I'll let you know what they advise me to do. Thanks for all the comments and support, I certainly don't feel strong!