I did have a meeting yesterday from someone from the police domesitic violence unit. I guess she really just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to run back to him, because if I took him back now, hes bound to do it again, but this time worse. I know that.

I brought up this abortion issue. Shes looking into it. The thing is that I can't lie at the moment to my parents. Why, because my father is a doctor in a hospital, and both my brother and sister are trainee GPs. If I lied and they found a way to access my medical records, then I would be much much worse off. So shes going to look into how "secure" the medical records are and if there is some high security tag that can be added to mine to make it impossible apart from my GP to look at it. So I am sitting tight at the moment.

Apart from that, its just routine for us, N is so much better behaved without C around, I don't know why. Shes very happy, probably because she can sense the tension, but she also goes to sleep without a fuss and only woke up once last night gasping for a drink of milk (unlike the 3-4 times she wakes up with C is around). I have a feeling that its because he always goes into her room to prod and poke at her - which would wake me up also. I've got a major presentation at work tomorrow, so I really need to keep my head together. I also start some counselling tomorrow, which is much needed. After being told I am worthless for 6 years, I think its time for me to expell these demons that have resulted in my low self esteem and try and understand why I allowed C to treat me like that and what I can do to prevent being treated like that in the future. I really hope it helps.

thanks to everyone for their kind words, I may appear strong, but I am a wreck inside, I am just trying to keep it together for N.