I hate lying. I am no good at it. My mother always says that a little white lie is ok, it doesn't hurt anyone. C calls me a compulsive lier. Yes, I do do things behind his back (go to Tesco while in my lunch break, have a cup of coffee with friends at work or even lunch with them) but thats because he forces me to be like that. If I asked him, he would never had let me.
But I am still not very good at it. I heard back from the police. They said that there is noway that my family could check my medical records, they would be in breach of the GMC and could face prosecution. Thats reaassuring. But there is this thing coming out called the national spine where all medical records will be on it, and it will be easier for GPs to see other patients' records. There is an option to opt out of this. Yes, and you can guess that I went straight to the GP to opt out. They said it was fine. So the advice from the police is to just lie. Like the blogger "sloshed and vexed" said, I just have to make him look like a loney tune and then they won't believe what he says. I just hope I can lie convincingly!
But its such a massive betrayal for me. THe only man I ever loved, the only man I ever revealed the true me to, the only man who ever knew all my secrets is exposing me to the wide world. I feel hurt, really hurt that it makes me want to cry. But I won't cry, I decided that already, N shouldn't see me cry anymore. How could I have gotten it so wrong? How comes my listened to my heart and it betrayed me? Am I such a bad judge of character, or is C really a nice guy but its our relationship dynamics thats explosive?
I have started to go to counselling, I hope that from this I can learn to put away all my bitterness towards C and try and move on from this, because where I stand, if we separated permenantly or we got back together, I have been hurt and I am not sure I can deal with either situation.
