Its nice not to work today. Its so different when on maternity leave for more than 13 months, everyday was a saturday. Now I relish my saturdays. I went into town today for a bit of shopping and it was nice. I then decided when N had a nap I would too, and we both slept cuddling each other for 2 hours. That was nice.

But then my perfect saturday crackled, C turned up and wanted to see N. Ofcourse lots of comments under his breath "N is too skinny", "shes lost weight".. of course anything to make me look like a bad mother. Its so trying when hes here, I am still not sure what is really going to happen, and so I am just steering clear of him. Its a bit like being in limbo land.

I have been wearing my headscarf from C for the last 3 weeks, since the police incident. I just felt compelled to wear it. For those who don't know, in islam women are meant to cover only from men, but not relatives or your husband. But I just feel that hes not really my husband anymore. He doesn't like it, but theres another reason why. I don't want him to say that I have been seducing him or something like that, or begging for him back. I am totally taking a step back, I am not bothered either way, if we permentantly separate or get back together....

who would have thought that when I started this blog that things would turn out like this, perhaps you all gave me the strength to try and change my situation