My headscarf is my friend. Its been my friend since the age of 8. I was never forced to wear it, I wanted to be like my mother so I willingly accepted it. My father was against it, he didn't want any of me or my sisters to wear it, but he failed on that one.
My headscarf obviously makes me stick out as a muslim, its like walking with an advertising board. And I have posted before, its subjected me to funny looks, comments and even spitting etc... but I don't think that I regret wearing it.
I have always found that my headscarf says what it does on the box, it gains me respect from people. At work, in the streets, I can happily say I can walk around without being ogled at, or wolf whistled at, and although some women might enjoy that, I certainly don't.
And I am sure its a disadvantage to have a headscarf on. But to be honest, I can honestly put my hand on my heart and say that I feel that everything I have acheived has been on my own merit. ANd I have struggled, but I know that every interview I have sat at, every job I have applied for, I got it because of me, not because I flirted or seduced the interviewer. ANd I am proud of that.
So it really hurts me when I am accused of being a flirt and that I sleep my way through situations. Because I am really not like that. I am friendly, but there are lines that I draw with people, and my headscarf is that line, and its not crossed. As I sit all evening alone, I think about how I could have gotten it so wrong. How my supposed soul mate, my husband, the person I lived with really does believe that I am some sort of slut. ANd he really does believe it, I looked into his eyes. Why is that? Do I come across different to what I really am? What have I done to make him feel like this about me? I can't stop analysing this, and this is my biggest issue that i will bring up at my counselling sessions. Is it not really him, is it me?
