plodding on. Just realising its so hard on my own. I had to sort out the garden today, our hedge lines a public path and part of our tenancy agreement says we have to keep it trim. Of course "we" now means "me". So I put N to sleep at 7pm took the baby monitor and started chomping away, in a near starved state because of the fasting... but I did most of it. I hope tomorrow is nice so I can mow the lawn and I'll be as happy as larry.
But its these mind games that C plays thats what gets me. He was doing it nearly all our marriage, he wouldn't let me tell my family things, or mislead them so that they don't know the truth. hes got some sort of problem with people knowing what hes up to, its not normal. He wouldn't let me tell my parents when I was pregnant because he was convinced that something bad would happen. I eventually told them at 5 months gone, but I had to make them swear not to tell anyone. It didn't go down well.
ANyway, so hes playing mind games again. I blogged twice this week saying that I suspected that hes gone to Libya, because theres no way he has the money to rent a place out. ANd I just had that feeling. So he sends me an email asking about N, then he says "I might come and visit N this weekend,not sure". ERm, I was quite positive that he was abroad, but when he said that, I started to doubt myself and my suspcious mind. ANyway, I ignored the email and didn't write back. He then called yesterday, as if nothing happened and said he might not come today because he might be travelling to Libya, but he hasn't decided if hes going yet or not. ERm, does he think I'm stupid. I told him straight out to be hoenst with me and he finally admitted that he was in Libya, but he only got there yesterday. THat was another lie, I told him to stop lying as its ramadan and its supposed to be a month of good deeds and reflection, to which he just kept quiet. SO he won't tell me when hes back, but I have the feeling that he will be there for a while. Good, we had a super day today myself and N, although its hard on my own, I do believe its certainly better without him
